Search

themeekarestillhere

Pride brings a person low, but the lowly in spirit gain honour. Proverbs 29:23

Category

The Spectacular Human Being

Reminder #6

Hello everyone,

‘THE SPECTACULAR HUMAN BEING’ series has come to an end. Thank-you for all the likes and comments that you’ve contributed to each and every post. In case you have missed some of the days, the full list of all the twelve posts that have been published in this series is below (just click). Once again, thank-you for this year and helping me to reach a hundred subscribers. I hope you’ve enjoyed this series as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I hope to continue writing more inspiring posts next year. God Bless!

  1. December 14th: The Change
  2. December 15th: The Problem
  3. December 16th: The Bridge
  4. December 17th: The Soul
  5. December 18th: The Dreamer
  6. December 19th: Carmen
  7. December 20th: Carmencita
  8. December 21st: The Road
  9. December 22nd: The Riddle
  10. December 23rd: The Prayer
  11. December 24th: Insane Summer Bliss
  12. December 25th: Twenty Sixteen

✾themeekarestillhere✾

~December 25th: Twenty Sixteen~

Recorded: 01/12/16

Before they’d allowed me to accept that it was finally over, everything came to an end. Sadly, I wish there was time for me to know that this was the end. Instead, I feel lost, as if I’m reading the same passage over and over again attempting numerous times to dissect the ambiguous meaning resonating through the pages yet I fail each and every time. All the materialistic symbols and objects that had once been such a prevalent thing are quickly fading away, and I just see grey. I see a grey future, my life is not clear. It is not sure, I am not sure anymore and my heart is heavy. I cannot fully turn the sadness into something tangible that I can manipulate so I commit it to prayer. I commit it to writing where those who bother to read it perhaps will share in my ordeals. And perhaps, there will be a happy day, this sadness has confined me to a prison where there is nothing to do but to be reminded of what I do not have and what I should have to survive. It is so bad that sometimes I think that it may be worse than death for it is somewhat like our souls are being destroyed within our mortal bodies containing our beating hearts…

✾themeekarestillhere

~December 24th: Insane Summer Bliss~

Photo Credits

~AT ANCHOR by Leonid Afremov

~ December 24th: Insane Summer Bliss~

Recorded: 30/11/16

I cannot keep the insanity and madness inside of my mind any longer. I must let it go, I must beg for the impossible. I must release these thoughts of madness, of pain against the simplicity of a normal life. I must seek the unexplored. And I must do it alone. Only one who shares my vision of uncontainable, unforgiving restlessness of a dreamer can accompany me on the unseen road to pleasure. I must for now, be alone and in time perhaps, I’ll be equipped with one who understands this burden. But if I am to do it all alone, I will become more than a dreamer. The insane passions and thirsts that have been with me on each ride, with every aching step, every blink of these tired eyes, every breath, each and every pronounced word, will become a life to me. Watch it consume me and turn me into someone whose delusions house her weary soul. It scared me to write to you what appears to be the inevitably of my state, but it troubles me very little now. Why deny the truth? This is the other side of reality where my darkest fantasies rule. It is a kingdom, powerful and magnificent, strange in every way and beautiful. Carmen keeps writing, Carmen keeps dreaming and Carmen keeps on crying. She said the summer brings forth sadness, when the heat is unbearable that the doors holding us within the cooler places become barriers where we lose connection with the world. She eats sweet ice creams because her life turns sour to the point that she cannot think on it any longer. And when the Sun descends each and every day, she escapes the prison for guilty pleasures under the rays of the sinking Sun.

✾themeekarestillhere✾

~December 23rd: The Prayer~

Photo Credits

~ENDLESS SUMMER by Leonid Afremov

~December 23rd: The Prayer~

Recorded: 21/11/16

It’s strange that my thoughts immediately take me to this secret journal hidden from any prying eyes. But when it is no longer kept a secret, the truth of who I really am will finally be unveiled. It has been a difficult time to envision what seems bleak, in fact, I don’t see a future anymore. I pray and pray and my words are muffled through the clothes that I wear as I weep for something to end it all. I’m tired of trying to conceal what has for so long been a burden to me. There are so many expectations of me as a young person in such a “privileged” school. But I don’t feel privileged, I don’t feel like there is a point anymore. The truth is, I should be studying. Like a normal student. I should be improving on what I have failed so miserably, but it doesn’t matter to me anymore when my position at a school so competitive seems now, impossible. I don’t really understand the reason to live here, look for something here or just do anything here, when for ten long and hard years we’ve not made any progress at all. And no, I do not exaggerate on this statement. The truth is, things are so bad that even writing this entry makes me doubt when it will ever be published. If no-one will dare to speak of our troubles, I will. I must uphold my morals rooted from my faith, but it will shatter the family honour by breaking the silence. They may read it and say that I have committed a treachery in their eyes, but I will say that the truth finally had to be let out. Who were we concealing it from so long and why? When those people we tried to please were the same people who would abandon us when the opportunity arose, why did we work so hard to be such objects of acclamation when really, our lives were falling apart. My life was falling apart and now today, I write it with more assurance than ever.

✾themeekarestillhere✾

~ December 22nd: The Riddle~

Photo Credits

~The Answered Prayer by Ira Diamond Gerald Cassidy

~ December 22nd: The Riddle~

Recorded: 19/11/16

I thought I had walled myself up so much that nothing could ever hurt me anymore, and it scared me to know so. But I was wrong. It was the shattering truth that broke me. There is too much hurt and shame that hides inside of me, things I don’t speak of anymore. I know that I should but it feels so over-whelming sometimes that I eventually don’t speak of it. This is my problem. I am scared to feel weak when I share about my past, to those I’ve known forever. The sad thing is, I’m a pessimist. And I’ve never wanted to be such a person. I became so because I never knew how to grow from all the bullying and harassment that people tormented me by. I was little, I was naive and I tried to think differently. I tried to shut it down but I couldn’t. I had no strength. I had no-one to confide my sorrows in. When I tried to speak of it, tears would be pouring down my cheeks before I could say anything. Mostly, people would laugh. Or people wouldn’t care. These types of people would be a reminder to me: no-one truly cared about me. I grew up, not with a healthy mindset. I’m fifteen years old now, most of the hurt that I’ve experienced in my life is now concealed as symbols in my posts. It’s hard for me to write about this because I feel that most people would find it unnecessary, I should be writing about how to grow from it…how to be happy. But I simply don’t know how to be happy. Life isn’t meant to be a happy journey, no-one can truly anticipate what will happen to them, if they ever encounter a situation where they are sad, how can they deal with it? But I was young, and I accepted all those words because I thought that it was the truth. I denied happiness because it felt good to being hurt. It felt good to cry. Now, I’m trying to see that that can’t be the way for everyone to live. But I’m realising I’m more broken than ever, and those walls around me only protect a shattered person. I’m broken. And that is the truth behind the riddle.

✾themeekarestillhere✾

~December 21st: The Road~

Photo Credits

~THE SOUL OF THE FOREST by Leonid Afremov

~December 21st: The Road~

Recorded: 06/11/16

Tomorrow is uncertain and I want to make sure that I’m living the right life. Not the life others have told me is right because there are always so many paths. No, I’m talking about the life that has only one narrow path. I don’t want to take the wide road. I’d never be at peace and my inner self would never stop fighting to get away from the hypocrisy that I see in it. I might not be alive tomorrow, but Jesus Christ told me not be afraid of death. And I don’t want to be rich, I don’t want to be successful or be liked. These are things I’ve never had or experienced so why do I need them now?

✾themeekarestillhere✾

~December 20th: Carmencita~

Photo Credits

~Autumn Ride by David Lloyd Glover

~December 20th: Carmencita~

Recorded: 26/10/16

She sat beside me on the wooden bench, her head tilted to the side till it hovered on the tip of my shoulder like a diamond earring. The side of her angel face now awkwardly balanced on my shoulder. I waited for her to say something avoiding small talk because hellos meant nothing to her. She told me how she had made the biggest mistake of her life. She had fallen in love with a place that she had dreaded to be in. She said that this was the type of love that was stubborn, the one that demanded attention every second of her life. Leaving it was painful, being around it was painful. Unable to understand her struggles, I asked her why she couldn’t just let it go and it didn’t take long for me to feel the warm tears rolling down her cheeks forming a puddle on my dress. She told me I needed to have a place to love that much. But still I didn’t understand her. Carmencita! I didn’t understand you till it was my turn to be Carmen.

✾themeekarestillhere✾

~December 19th: Carmen~

Photo Credits

~Girl with red ribbon by Tatiana Siedlova

~December 19th: Carmen~

Recorded: 22/10/16

There’s a Carmen sitting alone with a petty treasure she would fight for.

Everyone sees her and judges her for being ever devoted to such useless objects but who would dare to interfere?

There is never a painted smile on Carmen’s doll face, spare a genuine smile she can deliver to the one she always finds happiness to see.

A kind soul, Carmen said, but cruel to the seeker such as I am.

Her eye is only trained on this one person,

Whose overly curious gaze pierces her soul,

Yet, satisfies her loneliness and quenches a blazing fire inside of her.

And Carmen is no stranger to the accusations,

She hears the secretive comments of the bags under her eyes,

The stunning curl of her dark brown lashes that shine in the pale Sun and blaze against the deluge.

Her coffee brown eyes float on a drawn black horizon, the lids of her eyes a sinful tint of brown caused by the waking hours of an early day.

And the smoothness of her coffee skin; a marble floor, framed by the long strands of dry hair reaching down past her back sitting just inches from the seat underneath her.

She has a specific way of appearance.

She is not like the others in any way, it has become more apparent to her as she talks to strangers who assume theories of her unordinary self.

Carmen, knew there was something odd about her from her birth but unlike many girls, she enjoyed this almost alien feeling.

She took several wrong turns, got lost and settled on uncharted waters no-one had visited.

At least, she says, she is not superficial while crushed colours and black juices break the boundaries of sanity. She indulges, a fool, her heart beating faster while her eyes begin to relax.

She can have all the company in the world,

But Carmen will forever be a lonesome soul…

…Searching for a blue gaze in a shadow realm.

✾themeekarestillhere✾

~December 18th: The Dreamer~

Photo Credits

~Series “Sirens”. Spanish woman Carmen by Tatiana Siedlova

~December 18th: The Dreamer~

Recorded: 14/10/16

Someone save me from myself. But who will listen? Even if they listen who will care enough to understand the complex workings of this unpredictable mind. Even I, was fooled by my own selfish desires; they told me that if I pursued the “right” things then I would be rewarded with gifts as a righteous person does. Little did I know, that these thoughts would later on destroy me. I could easily try to rewind all the misfortunes that have occurred in the past months, but I cannot because I have come to realise that going backward may confuse and complicate the essence of my existence here. Given the state that it is in now, I wouldn’t dare. When I write, I can tell you all these things but very rarely, do I find any comfort. I wish I had valued the stupid, careless dreamer I was before life turned sour…

✾themeekarestillhere✾

~December 17th: The Soul~

Photo Credits

~Sunset over the River by Albert Bierstadt

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑