As I write this I think about the Columbine Killers. I’ve prayed many times for them because I don’t think they knew what they were doing. There is no more I can say that would convince the fact-followers who read but don’t see between the lines. When, in matters of destruction and tragedy, the actions and intentions of people should not be read so rigidly, but that you should also seek to see yourself as one of the victims and the one with the gun. There is no resolution in my mind. For I see in myself an evil almost a replica of them. Who will understand? When everybody goes around saying that they’re good but hold jealousies, envies, and lusts in their hearts. That is sheer ignorance not goodness. Is it my fate to be surrounded by those who evidently hold little self-awareness? Well, morals, Dear Lord, are not important anymore. That’s what the world says anyway. I am not rigid in my thoughts and that is why it is hard for me to succeed in the places that I am in. Even when I do succeed, it is at the expense of dulling my soul. For life is more than words, but the feelings are permanent. I worship through my heart. I think I understand now what that means. Please strengthen me as I begin my work now. The one before me and the work before my final destination. Amen.
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