SO LONG

I never thought it would take so long to write again. Maybe I’ve been avoiding it because I have nothing to say, but even when I barely had any sleep, I used to have something to say. I closed the site. I don’t even want to look at screens anymore. I want to write but only what I feel. I’m tired and mentally dead by reading these schemas of these people who don’t believe in faith. I never thought I would be as low as I am now. Alternate depression. If it’s not today then it might be tomorrow and the day after that day. I go back to things made in the past, yes, even like when I was born more than 20 years ago. Because back then we weren’t glued to phones and tablets. Nobody was worried about the things they are now and the world seemed like it wouldn’t ever die. But it does and it will and life changes and then you do. Even my dreams morph into nightmares and I don’t want to sleep. 

When you’re a kid it seems that everything is in the palm of your hand. We weren’t exactly rich.  But I found riches on the roads, the streets, and avenues that everybody else just walked past. I felt my own youth for the first time against the backdrop of powdery skies. And though I hated those years, somehow I had the strength and desire to conquer them. I didn’t know then that nothing is worse than something. For what happened to me five years ago, I began sinking into numbness. But now I wanna be out, I wanna be free to express whatever is in me. I cannot put up a show because I know that the might be it. Three years ago, life was normal but I suppose I wanted more…and now I feel like I have nothing. 

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