The first day of the year. The celebrations passed so quickly. The fireworks, I didn’t see them. I was in church. I heard them: the crackle of the fireworks, shooting up into the sky and exploding into a chorus of booms. Everyone knelt down, hands folded, eyes closed, praying; undoubtedly everyone was deep in thought about some affair. I was not welcoming the new year. I entered the new year like I had no choice. But at the same time, I knew that it was the year of rebirth, in the least stereotypical way. And change, well hopefully. And change, I hope and pray for. Good change, bad change. It doesn’t matter much now what type of change, I just desire a sign. Of purpose and life. Blessings that bring forth genuine joy. And reassure me of the power of hope in a world sinking in sin. Yes, I started last year in church, and ended in church too. I was wide awake when we drove back at one in the morning, Sunday morning. Wondering, what was going to happen to me? Adverse; but at the same time, enjoying my own problems because I knew that when I grow up, I’d be wishing that I could be that fifteen year old girl crushed by an insurmountable number of doubts, dreams, both shattered and born. You know, even though the holidays passed by like a blur, with its lonely days and no-one to remedy the isolation I faced, there was never a time that I wished that time could go on. I found myself longing for a standstill, where the problems inside of me could be extracted. I don’t know what I’d honestly have done, it’s over now. I miss bliss. And I know, for sure, that I’ll no doubt experience the same sensations when we approach the end of this year too. Maybe that is the standstill of life, time goes on but some things just never die. Some people, their habits live on and die peacefully or gloriously. Either way, it’s a beautiful thing.
Blessings for the New Year everyone. God Bless!