Exams are finally here. Before I came to a smart school, they were something that I could look forward to. I’ve been ignoring the fact, my whole life, but it’s become really evident now how opposite I can be in a place. It’s in my nature to be the opposite person, the one who’s looking in the other direction. The one who doesn’t care for the things that you want. Don’t mistake me for someone who disregards everyone around me, I’m actually very opposite to that notion too. In fact, the reason why I choose, sometimes unknowingly, to be different is based on the observations of people around me. I calculate the atmosphere and my place in it. I look at the people and analyse their words, tone, attire, body language and kind of arrive at some assumption. I guess, being a loner since well ever, made me develop strange hobbies. Over time, I’ve tried to adjust to world around me. Try to reason with the people around me. At the beginning, it was hopeless so I looked in different areas. I discovered new ways. However, it has always been very important to me to not deny that strange, almost dark side of me that’s been a part of me since the beginning. In many ways that are so hard to explain, it has helped me. I’m sure those who read this with understanding intentions can almost relate to the type of person I am. See, I kind of want to be part of the world, but in retrospect it makes me feel defeated if I think that I’m just another person. I guess, my views are radical. In fact, my inner self is very bold in restricting me from being a ‘part of the big world’, for reasons that are somewhat clouded by hurt and despair. With the upcoming exams, I feel like I need to adjust to the exam mood: the sufficient amount of stress that teachers tell us will help us get through, successfully, and hours of studying and revising. It is alarming for me to write that I do not care for these things. I respect education, but I read a quote recently from Mark Twain that I felt strongly I understood:
“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
One day, and maybe that one day will never be in my school life, I know that I’ll have uncovered something that no school could’ve taught me. I’ll be happy that I was different and that I stayed true to myself, to the max and not just to a limit that everyone could tolerate. I’ll be glad I was not just an object of approval, a number, a grade, just a name. I’ll be more in my eyes, in their eyes, in God’s eyes. All the things that I laughed at when I was a child, things that were jokes are now becoming reality to me. Life really is a journey and it is never going to be easy. We cannot do it alone, the only reason why I can write this post is because I know God is looking down on me, I know He loves me and that’s all I need. That is all I need to help me get through this amazing journey that we call life. But really, it is God’s gift…that’s something I discovered too.
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