How come it took me so long to figure out that the life I was living was never something that I wanted? The little things in life that I couldn’t put my finger on seemed to dazzle and fascinate me with audacious dreams that surpassed the boundaries of the universe. Indeed, without a doubt, I was sure that I could live off of these magical moments believing that they were conjured up easily. After twelve years of my life were robbed out of my memory, the experiences and trauma that I’d collected over the years were remnants of the past me. I was not prepared for the change that would sweep over me like a hurricane, shaking me to my very core. It would be an irreversible experiment where those magical moments would be ghosts of a fallen dream. I never knew that the life I was living was going to eventually fade away. I would be lying if I said that this transition that I’d anticipated was something I wasn’t excited about. Truthfully, I speak with remembrance, of a young girl, dancing around in the rain under the shadow of old flats, her tanned skin fresh like her youth. Screaming, shouting and squealing. When she cried, it was not missed, for they resounded through the walls, down the streets and into the ears of a passerby. Her wild personality echoed in the dells of her memory, and all she could see was an auspicious future. Recklessly she lived her life, being the rebel learning about the world that in her eyes and her mind rejected her. Back then, I never felt like anyone really loved me and it never concerned me if they did. I wasn’t hoping for some natural disaster that was as quiet as a mouse to consume me, destroy the youthful body that I disregarded and reform me. I listen to the rain and the shouts of people in their flats, I listen to the chorus of children and I stare intently into the blood red sun hoping for some portal to open up in the sky, beckoning me with its eerie radiance. I ask the world, will you take me back to the days…but there is never an answer. This is the sadness that cannot be explained through salty tears and consoled through warm embraces.
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