Pride brings a person low, but the lowly in spirit gain honour. Proverbs 29:23


June 2016

The Holidays.

The holidays marks the end to another term and distances us from the next term. It’s an endless cycle of term to holiday, where we are required to use the time we have to relax and try to forget about everything that just happened or something like that. Strangely, and it has been a big part of my life, I’ve found letting go of the past such a struggle. Happy moments in my life were always so scarce, so I spent many of my days attempting to make these happy moments. Unfortunately, whatever I did seemed to leave me unsatisfied. When happy things just came naturally, I was sure that someone above was watching me, someone who loved me…

Today I find myself in the same position; trying to relive happiness when its flame has already burned out.

I am just a teenager, a girl, with no hopes, no aspirations. I am a ghost who dreams about a future that can never be, a fantasy or dark paradises that become obsessions. Days and days do I dream over it, till I get sick of it. And while I let it go for a while, I often find myself coming back to it, coming back to the old friends that I made in my mind.

If I could stand next to my five year old self, I’d cry. I’d cry because I’ve lost so much of my raw self, I’d see the innocence in my eyes and how it has been cruelly destroyed by evil words uttered by merciless monsters. I won’t lie, I’ve changed a lot but I’m clever in ways I never anticipated nor had I come to know. At a young age, I see the world and try to understand what they want me to be, yet however, though the task seems simple I cannot fully digest it. I’m afraid how much more I’ll change with the years to come. It’s a strange thing, life.

However, I know that eventually life will pass as it does and that decisions will have to be made. And whatever decisions I make, I pray to God that I’ll do it not for myself, for Him, for the good of the world.

“Dear Lord,

Let my intentions be pure, let them glorify Your Name. I know that I have no idea what I say or think sometimes, but I know this: I know that you’ve given me a beautiful life and much that I possess now, I do not deserve. You pick me up when I am down and you dry my tears, you give meaning to my life and you understand my fears. You understand why I am so sad and when I come down on my knees to ask for your help, the burden is lifted off of me. I pray that in all my future endeavours, I will praise Your Name, glorify your deeds and look to You for everything.”



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It’s only when I need to cry,

When I’m so sad,

That my thoughts become poetry.

And even then,

How do they understand,

That my intentions were never harsh,

That I never wanted your anger directed at me.

Oh how cruel are you,

Laughing when I am drowning in my own tears.

Telling me things that have never consoled me.

You are liars,

Law-fearing individuals,

Waking up each morning to please your families,

Or even worse,


No-one else.

And though I want to scream,

I’ll only express my feelings to God,

Who alone understands me.

But this is what we’ve come to,

Cruel individuals destroying a lost treasure.


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The Unforgettable #14

“The minutes are long. The days are short.”


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Can you be afraid of yourself?

Each and everyday,

Wondering what you’ll become,

And ending up just confused;


Because you don’t know your errors,

You don’t how you would fix them,

If you did,

And if you wanted to anyway.

So you just shrug off this burden,

And say that’s it just life.

But deep down inside,

You told me,

That you were different,

So why is it,

That you are changing your words now?


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The Unforgettable #13

“The ride back home makes sense of everything.”


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I’ve come to the point,

That even if freedom was offered,

And no matter how much I needed it,

How much I knew I was in disrepair,

I wouldn’t take it.

Because I’ve learnt to like the hard life,

And why,

Why is it,

That pain and sadness is appealing,

To me suddenly.

The way my life works,

Is frustrating.

Normal people,

Wouldn’t bother with this problem.

I’m just grateful,

God is in control,

And that the world isn’t in the hands,

Of power-hungry individuals,

Who don’t care for you,

Or your soul.


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